It seems that lately the books I read, the conversations I have, the news I hear, a recurring theme is Alzheimers and forgetting. Since this disease runs in my family and is the thing I fear most, I have given a lot of thought as to all of the things I don't want to forget.
It really isn't the places I've been or have lived. I have many fond memories but if they were to fade away, I don't think it would destroy me.
I would like to remember the people that I have loved and those that have influenced me. Knowing who I can turn to, who I can trust would be a very good thing. Even so, if my memory of them was lost, I doubt if I would know that it matters.
The things that I have experienced such as childhood, parenthood, life experiences are things that I could let go of too. I have already lived them and they are part of my past.
What I truly want to hold on to is the lessons that have been the end result of the places, people and experiences of my life. The me that I have become. The knowing of my place in the universe, as small as it may be.
Confronting those things that had held me in their grip from my past, when I looked honestly at them, showed me that at every age of my life, it was I that had the greatest influence on every level. Rage, guilt, shame washed way.
The lesson that I determine my life is a lesson I never wish to forget.
The lesson that guilt and shame creates a wall between myself and spirit, a sin even greater than any 'crime' I may have committed is one that I hold dear. I never want to forget that.
Learning to be grateful in the face of adversity knowing that all things lead back to spirit is another lesson that was hard to learn and that I never want to forget.
Every life is an opportunity to learn, to advance the spirit. The lessons of my life have created a me that I can live with, a me that I don't want to forget.
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